Life is sweet!!!

Our St. Patrick's Day dinner, we hate corned beef so we just had roast beef and cabbage :) Linnea liked her little shamrock!

Just our sweetie getting ready to go to church

Well I thought I would update the blog since it's been awhile. Our life has taken a turn for the better I feel like, not that it was bad before, but for a while there I felt sad. I felt extra guilty due to more hours at fieldwork, I felt Linnea was almost depressed and thought it was because of a new baby and I felt Derek was stressed with issues at work and with school. The last few weeks however I have come to appreciate our little family so much more. Linnea has been pretty sick and has an ear infection. Now that that is all under control she has been the sweetest little girl and I fall more in love with her each day! Anytime I stand up and grimace due to the wonderful comforts of being 9 months pregnant she runs over and says "you ok mama?" with the most genuine concern I think a person can have. She cuddles with me everyday when we get home and thankfully I feel that she is beginning to adjust to the thought of "her" baby. The last few days she actually pats my tummy and will say baby or just pat it. She told me that she is going to help me give the baby a bottle and binki. A few weeks ago all we got out of her was "no baby" or "no boy" I still feel that she will have an adjustment when he arrives, but I am very grateful for her tenderheart and know she will love her brother so much even if it takes a little time.

Derek had his 25th birthday on Saturday and I am so grateful for him. I don't know how I ever landed such an amazing person. He is so calm and patient and the extent of him being stressed is saying " I'm kinda stressed, and would like a hug" he is such a good daddy and so encouraging to me to meet my goals with the childbirth, and school and work someday. He wants more than anything to see me at home with our kids which I am so grateful for because I know when he gets the chance to go full time in school he will be so dedicated so he can get finished also.

Fieldwork is almost over, I have two more weeks to go and then I can say see ya school...I never want to go back :) I hope that our little man stays in, but at the same time I am not stressing about it anymore I can't help it when he comes and I know that I was prompted to go to school and also we knew it was the right time to have another baby so the Lord will give us a way to finish all of our goals. I am pretty sore most days because he is dropping so of course it puts more pressure on my back and lower body, but it's not too bad. I'm really excited for him to come and have a little newborn in our house again. They are so precious and I do miss the baby stage. Well life is wonderful and I am so grateful for all the blessings that have come into our lives over the past few months and even days. I've truly noticed the Lord's hand in helping us get through school, deal with finances, help Linnea through her difficult days and so much more.

Count Down

Well the count down begins...I had my 36 week check up yesterday, I can't believe we have four more weeks and we'll have this little guy here it has gone soooooo fast, I still hope that I can finish with my fieldwork, but I feel like he might come a few days early, not a whole lot, but I am not sure if I'm going to make it to my due date, but we'll see. I'm scheduled to be induced on the 22nd, so he'll be here either before then or on the 22nd of April. So the check up went good they say he is measuring great size wise...the stats

dialated at 2cm

60% effaced

The baby is head down so he's in a great position. I feel better pain wise in that general area, I still have the discomfort, but it's bearable. Sleeping is a whole different story as most of you who have been pregnant know at this point if you don't have to wake up three + times to pee it's a good night. With both my pregnancies I have gotten restless legs really bad and this little guy has caused not only my legs to cramp, but also my toes and hands! The doctor told me yesterday that the hand cramps are cause of carpal tunnel since I'm swelling, but it should go away after he's born, so last night I was up for 45 minutes walking off a foot cramp :) it is all so worth it though, I can't wait to hold our little man and kiss his adorable little face! I have a feeling Nea is going to have a difficult adjustment. I feel that she may sense something is going to change, she has been quite clingy to us and a little bit more emotional, but I'm sure some of that is just the age she is! I'm so gratefull that I get to be home to help her adjust and that is the main reason I am hoping I can finish my fieldwork so I can be home and not have to keep dropping Linnea off somewhere else, luckily though if I come just a few days early Derek said he will take the week off and stay with the kids while I finish so at least they'll be with one of their parents! We are about 99.9% sure his name will be Hayden, we can't decide if the middle name should be Derek or maybe Swen after my great-grandpa!!! Well I'll keep updating over the next four weeks and let everyone know when this guy may be coming!!!

All Natural...hmmm

Well this post may be a TMI post, if you feel that way then my suggestion would be to not read it :) So the last month and a half I have been having and experiencing a lot of the symptoms of Pubic Symphysis...as far as I understand it is a little cartilage or ligament that connects your pubic bone to whatever ( I need to brush up on my anatomy again) anyways when you get prego sometimes you get too much relaxin hormone and it relaxes too much...the issue that you have is when you actually deliver the baby it can break or snap if you don't have your legs placed properly. The symptoms consist of a lot of pain when walking, rolling over in bed, getting dressed, walking up and down stairs...check check check. I go to the doctor tomorrow and I'm going to talk to him about it and see what he thinks. This actually happened to my mom when I was born. They didn't know she was having a dysfunction until my big head came out and she was crippled for a few months after not super fun, since I broke hers. Well the things that doctors recommend is not getting an epidural during delivery so you can be in possible different positions and so you can feel if your legs are getting pushed too high to help avoid breaking the ligament, or c-section, but who honestly wants surgery if you don't need to have it? SO...I have been thinking about it, about not getting an epidural...I had a fine experience with Linnea and the epidural, it made me sick, but I was pain free. I went awhile without medication last time, but I do know it hurts so I have some fear about the "real" pain of actually getting the baby out. I feel though that it would be worth it to avoid not being able to walk for 3 months after, although it still is no gurantee since my mom had me natural and hers still broke (of course they didn't know about it beforehand). I have started my mental game to overcome a lot of my fears because I KNOW that if I mentally am thinking well if it hurts too much I'll just get an epidural, then I'll get the epidural cause thats what I did last time. I've talked to Derek and explained how if I did it natural there is no sleeping and hanging off to the side for him he needs to be right there helping keep my mind off things. I have a great video from a nurse who works with natural delivery, I got it when I was pregnant with Linnea and she talks about all sorts of different techniques and options, but especially focuses on the Dad's part in helping with pain management. I have had some wonderful cousins give birth without pain medication...so any advice would be appreciated. I am interested to know what the Doctor will say about the whole situation tomorrow.

The Room is Complete!!!!!

This is a picture of Linnea's room shortly after we had finished moving in....everything was the same when we started changing the room except obviously the baby swing and the crib was gone....I think it's changed a lot

And now the after room for boy and girl :)

I had a hard time taking pictures good enough to get the full effect of the new look to Linnea's room, but it is monkey/jungle theme and we have monkeys hanging all over the room and we want to make a cute saying starting with "two little monkeys..." and make it go all the way around the room, but we haven't come up with a cute one yet....we think it turned out great for a girl and boy room on our budget....my mom made the cute valance and we found the dresser for a great deal at RC Willey and I busted out some hidden crafty skills and made the book sling for Linnea.

Bullying Experience...grrr

Well I had to post little Linnea's first experienc with a bully....and my first real urge to physically slap a child :) So I got off my fieldwork super early so I decided to take Linnea on a date for lunch so we went to good old Chic Fila however you spell it. Things were super fun they gave her two ballons she got fresh squeezed lemonade the sugary works for a kid! Then she wanted to go to the playset since it had a floating car that she wanted to play in so we went in for a little while to go play. Things were fine and then I noticed this little boy, probably about 6 took her book from her that she got in her kid's meal and he ran away. Of course Linnea looked at me and kinda got upset so I walked back over to her and the kid came back, I said to him "will you please give her back her book" his snoty reply was "NO!" and he ran away again. This upset Linnea even more so we walked away and I told her sometimes kids aren't very nice. He eventually came around us again and Linnea reached for her book which he didn't give to her and I said out loud "Don't worry Nea, he's just not being nice so we don't need to play with him." When he heard me say that he held her book out for her to take so I smiled and said "Thank you" and then the little brat snatched it back and laughed...luckily his mom saw this and made him give it back...phew. So Linnea went back to playing and about 5 minutes later this kid was back in the play area. It was like he instantly singled my little tenderheart out. she was trying to climb up the steps to get to the top of the playset and he pulled her legs down so she was on the ground and then Karate chopped her neck on BOTH SIDES!!! What the heck he didn't just hit or push her what kind of kid Karate jobs another kid in the neck!!!!! I was up there so fast since Linnea was of course balling and confused, luckily for that little stinker his mom had once again seen the whole thing and angrily said she was so sorry and pulled him out of the play area!!!!! I wonder though if there might be some issues with the kid since as soon as Linnea started screaming he covered his ears and started rocking...so either he knew he was in deep trouble or hmmm maybe some spectrum issues. I was so mad! I've never watched Linnea be singled out by a kid like that, I've watched her push, hit and be pushed and hit, but man when your kid is just minding their own business and they get picked on it sure ruffles me and breaks my heart at the same time! All I knew to say to Linnea was that we don't hit people and that boy was not being very nice. It was sad every time she looked at her little kid's meal book on the ride home she would say "he hit?" kinda like a question so I would repeat that yes he hit her and it wasn't nice....grrrr life experiences!!

Life update

Well not a whole lot has changed for us these first few weeks of the new year. I am almost done with my first rotation of 8 week fieldwork, and just worked out the details of my second placement today. I am working at Jordan School District right now and it has been fun. I don't think I would particularly like to work at a school, maybe, but it is doing a lot of things like handwriting and helping kids with buttons and things like that, definetley the academic side of Occupational Therapy, I think I enjoy more of the medical side. I was able to go to a school in the district today that is for very severe kids with a variety of disabilities. I really enjoyed this school because it was more medical. Not one kid that I saw today could verbally communicate, they used a lot of signs or grunts. It was sad, but at the same time I'm glad that there are schools like that in some school districts so kids with more severe needs can get the professional attention they need every day from therapists, specialized teachers etc. My next fieldwork is working with the elderly and the last day of that fieldwork is actually on my due date so pray that this little man comes a little bit late! I really miss Linnea, this semester has been pretty hard for me since it is a full time job basically and sometimes with school I would be done within an hour or something like that, but I keep telling myself that it's only twelve more weeks and then I am done with school and hopefully will be able to take quite a break and be with my two kiddos at home which I honestly CANNOT wait to do. I had a day off last Friday and I don't feel any happier than when I can get my house looking how I want it and play dress up with Linnea or read books together and color pictures...it is wonderful!!

My pregnancy is going pretty good, I have ALOT more discomfort with this little guy with pressure and things like that, but the doctors basically told me it's going to get more and more uncomfortable with each kid that I have so super. We had a scare with him awhile ago, we thought I might be leaking amniotic fluid, but after some tests it all came back negative so things are good. We almost have the room finished for both of the kids. It is a monkey/jungle theme and we just need one more leaf canopy and the valance hung above the window and it is done...pictures to come!

Derek is still working about 50 hours a week and going to school busy busy guy, he may be looking at going to Weber State now instead of Utah State to pursue the Mechanical Engineering Technology degree, it is a lot like the regular engineering degree, but he would be able to do a little bit more hands on work with products instead of working on the computer so much so he's been doing some research and thinks that might be a better fit for him. I guess only time will tell!

We have been so blessed the last few months, we're busy and miss eachother, but we truly count our blessings that we have been able to attend school, that Linnea does so well playing with other kids and that she is watched by family, we are so grateful that Derek has such a good job that helps us have a savings and just what we need. I am excited to have school done and over with, but I am grateful I was able to finish even with being a mommy and everything!!!

What am I doing?!!! I'm in charge....right

Well a few months ago when Linnea was about 18 months old I thought the terrible twos had come early...boy was I wrong!!! Yesterday was one of the most, heartbreaking, frustrating, confusing motherhood days I have had. Linnea was acting like I remember acting as a headstrong, always right 16 year old who knew better than her parents and wanted nothing to do with them. She would as for something, like a piece of candy, I would say no not right now, maybe after lunch. Tears, screaming, and throwing herself down on the floor followed. So I stay calm and say, that is not the way we get things. She looks up at me and screams "No!!!!" Imagine your two year old shaking her finger at you with a teenage look on her face...it took me back a little bit. Yesterday every limit or every thing we told her to do such as safety things, or breaking rules, or treat and movie limits ended up with an emotional breakdown. Well we eventually decided to get out of the house as a family and go to the store together which Linnea generally loves to do, but we get to the store and she screamed because I put apples in the cart, or I didn't get the bananas fast enough...thank goodness Derek was there to help, he eventually just took her out to the car since it was all screams, not just crying, but disrespect (which I have an issue with at any age.) At this point I think both Derek and I were very confused at this new behavior and how to go about dealing with it. I feel that I should always explain at this point why we don't do things, calmly. So everytime she would yell at me, I would say "look at mom...you don't speak to me that way, we always speak nice." you know just simple things like that. I can hold her attention for a little while if I say to look at me so hopefully some things sink in. The real heartbreaker came later that night, she was screaming at Derek and he was trying to calm her down by holding her and she did the typical squirming and screaming to be let loose, well I walk in her room to help out and she looks at me and shakes her finger and yells, "No, Go!!!" Basically telling me to get out of her room two year old style....well that broke my heart, I actually went and cried a little. It was so hard for me since I have started my fieldwork and basically have a full time job so I don't see her that much during the day, so when I do have days with her I imagine us playing our games and having fun, and baking like we always do over breaks or days I am home, so to have my sweet girl tell me to leave was too much for me at that moment. So Derek put her in time out and with tears in my eyes that were noticeable I went out there and I said in my cracking voice, " You do not talk to me that way!!! Do you know your mommy loves you? That hurts me." Linnea's crying and screaming stopped the second she saw my red eyes and my tenderhearted girl came out again and she ran up and gave me the biggest hug and pat on the back. After that the night went pretty well. I could not believe though the attitude and the change of yesterday. She does have a stuffy nose, so she doesn't feel 100%, but that in my opinion no matter how old a child is does not mean you speak disrespectful to your parents or anyone. I need to be stronger and not let my kids see me break down like that, but yesterday took me completely off guard. I'm not afraid to let people see me cry, but I do realize that my kids will hurt me through life either with choices or stages they go through, but I hope that they never doubt they are loved and that we expect respect from them. Sorry to vent so much, today has been much better with not even a fraction of the screaming fits, she is pushing the limits, but at least she is listening to us when we tell her to stop a behavior. It is all part of life experiencing these different stages, I hope that we can instill the right principles of kindness in our kids by example and remaining calm and collected during freak outs :)