CharlieJo Marie

So one post after I posted about what it was like to have three children, I am now posting about our FOURTH child. Miss CharliJo Marie Childs, September 17, 2016, 7lbs 8 oz, 20 inches!

So I guess I will just write about the day she joined our family. The week before she was born we found out little miss had flipped into the breech position--stinker--so for the entire week I did voodoo poses trying to flip this baby back into the head down position. I have had our boys using hypnobirthing and although it isn't pain free I've really enjoyed those labors and the recovery. So, the idea of the baby staying breech was not a fun idea for me.

Well, Friday the 16th I went to my weekly appointment and to my disappointment she had engaged in the breech position. So my midwife scheduled a version to flip the baby for Tuesday the 20th. I went home pretty upset, not about the breech, honestly I never felt good about the idea of doing a version on the baby. The placenta was anterior and I was worried something could potentially put the baby at risk. Many people tried to put my mind at ease and shared their experiences with the easy successful versions they had, but for some reason I still couldn't shake the uneasiness.

Friday night I asked Derek for a blessing to help me make the decision if we should do the version or not. I felt at ease and knew I would know the right thing to do after the blessing was over. So Friday I went to sleep feeling a lot better about the situation.

I can imagine miss CharliJo laughing inside me for worrying about the upcoming Tuesday at this point. 4:30, Saturday morning September 17th I woke up with such a bad pain on my left side, radiating from my back to my hip. I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for several weeks, but the pain seemed to aggravate them and I began to notice they actually were coming consistently every 15 minutes or so. Around 5:30 I got up and got in the shower, hoping it would help the back pain. That lasted about 2 minutes because I felt like I couldn't stand. The back pain was constant and whenever a contraction hit it got even worse.

I told Derek I was going to get into the tub and explained what was going on. We had been lazy the night before and left dishes in the sink, he laughs now, but that was the thing I asked him to do. I didn't want his help with my pain but I needed those dishes done. So he went downstairs around 5:45 to do my dishes and I filled up our tub with my hypnobirthing headphones on hoping I could get some relief from the pains.

The night before I had a pain in my back as well, but it went away so I still was thinking at this point I was having one heck of a Charlie horse that was bringing on some Braxton Hicks. So I tried to do my breathing to relax my muscles. To  my surprise and not excitement every time I used my hypnobirthing breathing the contractions relaxed, but the back pain increased! If I held my breath the back pain eased up, but the contractions increased! Vicious cycle. I was in the tub for maybe 5-10 minutes and suddenly felt really nauseous. I had to jump out and throw up, at this point I knew something was happening, and I knew it was different than I'd experienced before. My previous babies were very normal early labor. I easily could work through the contractions, but this one I had already thought the thoughts "I need an epidural, NOW!"

Derek came back upstairs and I told him, something is happening, maybe we should call Labor and Delivery and ask them what to do. We were a little more nervous to wait at home since we knew the baby had not flipped and was still breech. I also thought her position could really be affecting the pain, I'm not sure, but the contractions and back pain were so different than I'd ever experienced. Labor and Delivery told us to wait another hour and see if the contractions kept coming. Well they did, so we called my parents and brought our kiddos over to their house around 8:00 then Derek and I headed to Davis Hospital. When we got there, our cute nurse Amy helped us get set up and we made sure they knew right away the baby was breech and I was only 37 weeks. I knew I was in labor, they weren't sure I was yet, but I expected when she checked me to be at a six or seven because of how intense my pain was. Guess what...I was at a 2! I couldn't believe it. Derek couldn't believe it because of how I was acting. I've done natural birth twice and I was losing control at a 2! Amy was very encouraging and said it was probably because the head was not putting any pressure on the cervix.

She called my midwife and they said they were going to monitor me and try and stop the contractions so they hopefully could make it to the version on Tuesday or have a chance to flip the baby. They checked me for a bladder/kidney infection because of the back pain but that came back clean. So they told me to stay in the bed, ouch. And they also said they were going to give me morphine since it can sometimes stop contractions. My midwife had arrived at this point and they wanted to give me 10ccs of morphine, but I warned them I didn't always respond to hard medications well, so they cut it in half...and still oh my what a cocktail. I got a little loopy, but we had to wait for four hours while the morphine ran it's course. If the contractions kept going or I progressed any more then we would not be able to flip the baby and it would be a C-section.

Fast forward four hours, contractions didn't stop, I progressed to a three and I was told that we needed to go do an emergency C-section. It was thankfully a chill emergency, but since I started labor and had not planned a C-section they classify it as emergency. Once they said it, I got really nervous. By this point my mom had come, my brothers and sister-in laws and everyone was ready to help me calm down. Derek put on his jump suit and once the OB was there my midwife and nurses wheeled me off to the OR.

I was getting more nervous inside, but I tried to only admit it to Derek. I have to say I was so impressed with the Nurse anesthetist she walked me through every step and medication that was going in to my IV. The nurses were fantastic, my  midwife was there and hilarious and the OB was awesome. They warned me it would feel strange, and it truly is the strangest sensation having your baby pulled out of you while you have a no real feeling. CharliJo was born at 5:10 pm, no exaggeration about 4 minutes after they made the first incision. Briefly, I got to see her before they took her out to the nursery people. Derek followed her from there. The rest of the time was all about getting me put back together. I couldn't believe how quick she was out. I started getting really sleepy because I got another crazy cocktail in my IV, and the rest of the night my brain was a little foggy.

CharliJo couldn't come back in while I was getting sewn up because her sugars were a little low so they had to get some formula in her. So I didn't get my skin to skin I love and it was strange to go back to the recovery room without my husband and baby and just wait. About 20 minutes after I'd been in recovery they brought her in to me! I snatched her so fast from Derek and just snuggled her. It didn't matter I didn't have that immediate touch after birth all the good feels came instantly as I held her. I couldn't believe her dark hair, her SMALL head (our first time not having a giant headed baby) her dark skin. She was/is perfect. I was still in shock that she was here. It was three weeks early and I still had so much to do at home I thought before the baby was going to come. Good thing I had packed my hospital bag the week before, that was at least ready.

While in the recovery room of course everyone starts asking what we're going to name her and that was where her name was first mentioned. Derek was the one who said it first. Now, from the second I found out I was pregnant I knew I wanted Jo or Joseph in my baby's name. Derek's grandpa, who he had never met was named Joseph. I don't know why I felt so strongly to include the name, but I did. Derek's mom's middle name is also Jo. But since CharliJo is our final baby I really wanted my mom in there somehow too, I wanted her to have both grandma's a part of her name. So Derek was the one who suggested at first to combine Charlie, a name we had wanted, with Jo and then do Marie (my mom's middle name) for the middle name.

We didn't decide until the next day, but I told Derek early Sunday morning that while I fed her in the night I knew that was her name. It just felt right. Then we found out the meaning which is even better. The name CharliJo literally means small beauty from God. So that was it.

She is a perfect baby! She is quite small and isn't gaining her birth weight back as fast as they'd like but she eats like a champ, poops like a champ, and sleeps like a champ. The recovery has been pretty sore but we are surrounded by wonderful neighbors, friends, and family who have really taken care of all of us.

The kids love her, they are surprised how much she sleeps, but we've explained she'll get a little more awake as she gets older. Andrew was really mad at us for a few days because he insisted we name her Penny. He truly was mad, and it was adorably hilarious. Linnea is going to be such an amazing sister to her little sister and Jarom follows me everywhere with her saying how cute she is over and over and over.

We haven't figured out our routine quite yet, I spend a lot of time in my room feeding her and avoiding carrying things up and down the stairs so I get a little stir crazy sometimes, but for the most part we are doing great and couldn't ask for a sweeter baby to complete our family with!

A Dark Year

Have you ever had experiences that you feel will be kept between the walls of your own home? You feel you'll never share them with anyone else because they are either embarrassing or so special/sacred you just don't feel like you'll share them...until one day you just feel like you need to?

Well that has happened to me. I felt that I would only keep these moments between Derek and I but as I was driving and kind of thinking of my experiences I felt that I really needed to share some things that I've learned and how my testimony has grown from feeling like close to nothing...to truly something.

I am writing this post for the spiritual side of things...I don't know if maybe someone out there maybe needs to hear it, I am not posting this because I want pity or sympathy or whatever because LIFE IS SO GOOD RIGHT NOW! I promise, we feel very stress free in our home at this point...so anyways here it goes.

It started around August 2012, we had just moved up to Logan. I had always struggled as a working mom. Derek had attempted selling with Vivint, it didn't work out super awesome, so I went back to being Sugar mama, I only worked half days however so that was better than full-time. I remember feeling like we didn't understand answers to our prayers. We felt so sure that we needed to go sell with Vivint and truly we lost money doing so. This had happened several times previously where we always seemed to struggle with money. We are not big spenders at all...we buy used and we were tight. This is where that ugly snake of doubt started to enter my mind. Why....Why when I pray so hard and you blessed me with these children...do You not help us find a way to earn more money so I can be home with them? Then September rolled around...the end of the month came and SURPRISE! We had a 3rd baby on the way!

Something I will never share with my sweet Jarom, is I sat in my room and just cried! I remember the feelings, I was so scared, frustrated, excited, and angry! I prayed again (one of the last times for awhile) and said "Why! Why are you sending me another one, when I already have to work to provide for my family while Derek is in school!" This is my memory of one of the answers I received from that prayer...one of my for sure answers, before I would turn off my ears and heart for the next few months. I was told that a child is never a mistake, and this baby was coming for a reason. So from then on....no more tears about sweet Jarom. I set out to try and find a way to earn money for us that I could do from home! I felt inspired to write an eBook. I was sure that it would be the answer because I had felt inspired. Derek vividly felt certain promptings as well. I would continually ask him, "Do you feel good," or "What do you feel about things" constantly depending on his answers, all while I was bitterly not saying my own prayers because I never felt anything, I never felt I received any feelings. The highlight of this time was that Dane came home. I remember when Dane came home that night as he was being released Derek and I were there, no one knew Jarom was on his way, I was a ball of doubts and fears and anger which no one knew either, not even Derek. I hid things wonderfully. I remember everything spilled over when Dane looked at us with the Stake president there saying what an awesome example Derek and I were of having such strong faith! Inside I was so torn...if only he knew what I was really thinking...so needless to say that was an emotional night.

So we wrote our book! It truly has been fun in hindsight, but did it make enough so that I was able to quit my job...most definitely not. I went into a deeper bitterness inside and had more doubt creep in about answers to prayers, even guidance I had searched for in the scriptures. During all this turmoil inside myself I would find ways to stay home from church at least once a month and use my pregnancy as an excuse. Right after Christmas we learned that Derek's education would take another 5 years at Utah state. We needed to figure something else out. Since we had #3 coming we couldn't stay in school for that long so we started searching for other options and eventually decided that we would head back to Weber. I felt at that point that anytime we felt good about something it always changed into something different so we must not have been given answers...we must just have thought we had answers. It was shortly after this that I got a call from a member of the bishopric. They asked me to be the 2nd counselor in the primary presidency! I said yes, although we were moving in a few months, I said yes because I knew that's what you do. But inside I was so nervous how could I be an example to these little people when I wasn't so sure about things myself. But I tucked it deep inside and put a smile on my face and joined the primary.
I started out  just fine, I still struggled until there was such a stressful, week that was full of let downs and disappointments I finally admitted what I had been thinking...I didn't know if there was a God. It was so difficult to admit. I talked to Derek about my concerns. I said I never feel anything, I never get any answers when I pray or read the scriptures. All he could do was bear his own testimony. I remember calling my mom crying saying I didn't know if I believed he was there. It was awful. If there was no God then that must mean I won't be with my family forever....out of everything I needed to believe that I would be with my kids and husband forever...and now what if that just simply couldn't happen. What if when we died no one was there to greet us, it was all a lie! Again all anyone could do was bear there own testimonies.
I continued on, keeping my true feelings hidden. I now know I must have been called to primary for a reason. Those kids were there to help me hang on they were there to help me remember what I always had believed and known. I can't remember all the details, however I remember on day a little 6 year old girl had to give a talk in sharing time. At the end of her talk she bore her testimony. I remember hearing her share her simple testimony on how Christ loved her and knew her, how she loved to pray and how she could be with her family forever! As she was bearing her sweet testimony I remember feeling something! For the first time in months it seemed I felt that burning that what she was saying was true. The ice around my doubt filled heart was chipping away. I sat behind that little girl just crying. Somewhere inside I felt that it was true what she was saying.

After that experience I read and held onto the talk given by Elder Holland about holding onto the faith you have, instead of worrying about the faith you don't have. So I replanted the seed. I remember kneeling down that night and saying a prayer. I told him...ok....here I am. I'm not letting the adversary get me. I'm still here. I don't know what to say, but I'm still here and I'm on my knees. So I still have something planted inside of me. I remember I didn't feel anything after my prayer...but I was still going to hang on. I was still going to talk to Him even if no ever answered.

This continued for several months. I still felt empty, I was praying, but still felt empty. We had sweet Jarom and then we almost instantly moved down to Morgan. Welcome to the most trying 6 weeks ever. I could almost feel Satan sink his hooks in me and try so hard to get me to let it all go...to just give up on the idea of God. Derek's job fell through and we were jobless with three kids. He searched everyday, our savings meant for my maternity leave disappeared and we maxed our credit card. I wanted to give up...I wanted to scream to the sky and say I KNEW IT...YOU AREN'T THERE! But I tried one more time...one morning around 5 Jarom was having such a hard time sleeping so I just decided to go for a walk with him in the carrier and see if that would help him go back to sleep. So I went out into the morning with the sun just coming up with my newborn baby. I looked down at him and felt a stirring inside again. I felt that this perfect little human being didn't just form by chance, you could almost feel how close he was to heaven just being by him. So I gave it one more shot. I didn't ask for anything...I didn't ask for Derek to find a job, I didn't ask for me to be more spiritual. I asked two questions. I said...Do you know me? and Are you there? I didn't feel anything for a few minutes and then as I was almost home I felt something so firmly. I just felt so comforted. I didn't hear a voice, I just could feel so warm...just as if He was hugging me. I like to think that He was. I knew then that He was listening to me. I had memories flood back to me when I was a depressed teenager and the spiritual experiences I had then, I knew he had always been there...I was the one who iced my heart...I was the one who had stopped getting my own answers...I had only depended on Derek's answers...we had a very one sided spiritual relationship. I knew from that morning that for the sake of myself and my little ones I needed to hang on. I knew he was there and I did not expect it to get easier, I just knew that He was there to help me through.

And get easier it didn't. We were extremely blessed with Derek's job to help us start getting back on track. We had our apartment just fall into place so we could stay in Morgan which is where we wanted to live. However due to unemployment we were in financial trouble. We never could catch up with our financing. Over the next few months we hit very, very scary financial issues. I did all I could, I started to sell our life away. I sold nearly every piece of furniture we owned as well as anything extra I could find. I was to the point where I skipped meals to make our groceries stretch. My meals often consisted of me eating my kids leftovers! It wasn't that Derek didn't have a good job, it was that the catch up was nearly impossible to overcome. I refused to look at our account. I got the point of just waiting for pay day so I could get groceries! During this insane financial pinch instead of blaming God this time,  I started to notice His hand in our life. Somehow we paid our bills. Sometimes my mom would randomly bring over extra food she had gotten at Sam's Club since it was just her and my dad, I'm sure she was inspired. We had a lot of debt from Derek's helicopter school as well as our condo. So in December of 2013 Derek took it upon himself that he was going to fast each Sunday for us to be able to sell these properties to help us get out of them. I couldn't fast so we each did our own thing and had the faith that they would sell. Right before New Year's we were given an offer on our condo that we accepted! We finally closed and sold our condo a few weeks later! With the money we made we were able to pay off our credit card and finally get our bank account back in the black! For the first time in months! We were so grateful! I also was presented with an opportunity to cover a maternity leave for two months at a facility which has brought in a significant amount of extra money for us! Our savings account started to build again. We were finally feeling so much less stress but the Lord decided to not stop there out of the blue...literally...a man in Cedar City called Derek on super bowl Sunday and told him he wanted to buy our property (this is the property that would pay off the helicopter loan) he had cash and wanted to get this done! He paid what we asked. We expected to pay the title fees for about $1000 but we were so willing....you have to understand we have been trying to pay this off for 6 YEARS NOW! So after a few days the title company informed us that we actually had a smaller pay off amount and we actually made $44 on this property! I know that is a tiny amount but to us we didn't owe any money on this debt that had caused more stress in our marriage than anything before!

I am amazed at the journey we have been on! We have been able to overcome so many trials. I went to a very dark place for about a year. I truly believe however....even those with the smallest glimmer of faith can find a way to open their hearts to the Lord. I have been blessed with insight. I hope that I will be in tune enough to notice if maybe someone starts selling all their furniture and they aren't moving I hope I will be able to recognize those that may be struggling and hopefully the Lord can use me to help others feel better and less stress so they don't end up in the dark, lonely state of mind I went to. I know that the Lord is truly there, I believe in Him. I know he listens to us and things happen to test us, but he will answer our prayers....things do work out...it can take years at times or a lifetime, but I hope you hang on during trials. Don't doubt that the Lord is there and that he hears you. Don't turn off your heart to him, or you will feel alone. The spirit speaks to us softly. I was so angry and blamed the Lord so much I couldn't hear Him talking to me and comforting me. I am grateful for all I've learned. I know that I was given some experiences these last 18 months so that I will be able to hang on to those feelings when trials hit us again...I'm not perfect....I have a lot of work still I need to read my scriptures more, I still have the adversary putting thoughts to cause me to doubt in my head, I need to attend the temple more often, however I  am trying to progress, I'm trying to just build my faith right now. I know He lives and is there for us, I know he will never give up on us, even when we blame and shut ourselves off from Him, He is there to help us find our way back...we need to just be open to see His hand in every step of our lives!

First Time vs. Third time

I was thinking the other day how different it really is from being a first time mom to now a third go around with baby!

When Linnea was born I felt I was a natural at a few things...but not many. I was so nervous to bathe her, I needed to have someone else there so they could help me get her out of the tub and hold the towel or something. I checked on her constantly in the night to make sure she was alive and breathing, feeding was confusing, frustrating and new to me, I am not lying I swear I called the pediatrician's office at least once a week if not more to just make sure this new "behavior" was normal and my child didn't have some mysterious disorder :) I sat in the back seat of the car whenever possible to make sure there was absolutely no crying, I kept looking to the next stage and kept hoping that the sleepless nights would end. I thought I was tired...even though I was able to sleep in the day whenever Linnea slept. I sanitized everything, if another child was near I was nervous, I made everyone wash their hands...and then sanitize again. Oh my gosh and the first time she got a cold I was a nervous wreck my calls to the doctor went from 1 time a week to 1 time a day it seemed like.

Now I've noticed some distinct changes in myself and learning with Linnea, Drew and now Jarom. I only make sure my kids wash their hands before they touch him...because let's face it who knows where those little hands have been. I figure most adults are courteous enough to know that they have dirty hands and they will wash them themselves before asking to hold your baby, also if they have been around illness or are sick themselves again most adults are courteous enough to stay away, there are the few out there that you still need to ask. I do not schedule Jarom or wake him up at night and I don't worry about him being alive :) (he does snort a lot while he sleeps so that helps me know he's still with us) I have not called the pediatrician once since he has been born, I'm a pro at popping him in the tub, wrapping him up in a towel by myself in my lap and moving on. Crying babies do not bother me in the car anymore, after about two hours yeah I'll get anxious. Jarom already has a booger nose thanks to his siblings and he's just fine, we use our little nose sucker and he hates it, but he's just fine. Most of all though I have found I truly realize how fast the time does fly with these little kiddos, I can honestly say I've been enjoying every second of the newborn phase...and yes that includes the middle of the night and the waking up early because his brother and sister refuse to sleep in. I get cranky, I'm not super mom, but I have never found myself looking forward to a year from now so I'll have a more independent child, or I'll be done nursing or he'll be sleeping through the night. If I've learned one thing from first child to third...it's to not rush their lives...don't wish them to grow up...I look forward to him walking, playing baseball etc, but I'm not wishing for this stage of his life to be over...the same goes for my other two littles. Drew is a pill, but I love how he still wants me to cuddle him and read to him and sing to him. Linnea can be sassy, but I love how she wants to rush to me and tell me EVERYTHING that she is thinking, or I love that she still comes to me with her 200 questions everyday about everything. I love that I'm still number one in their lives. I remember growing up and I remember when parents take the back burner in a teen's life and then after that it's some guy or girl comes along and then  we'll just be there for support and advice.

                              

It's fun to look back and see how we've changed. That is now my advice for first time mommies is to enjoy every second even the night, enjoy the quiet and the special alone time and snuggles with your little baby. That is my advice, now maybe it's something everyone just has to learn on their own thought. HEre are some pictures of the last little while of the kiddos!

Our first week as a family of five

Well we've survived a week with a new little guy. Jarom is absolutely a perfect newborn. He sleeps, eats and poops! He rarely cries, and he gives me typically at least 2 1/2-3 hour stretches each night, not bad for a newborn.

The kids are adjusting each in their own way, sometimes good sometimes....not so good. Linnea has been a little bit more weepy, but on the other hand is head over heels in love with her new baby brother. Sometimes she snaps at Derek and I a little bit more, but that could be due to grumpy, sleep deprived mom as well.

 

Drew has been causing mischief, he likes to push buttons even more now, especially when mom is feeding Jarom since he has learned I can't get up to enforce what I'm saying. Smart little bugger. On the other hand he needs tons more reassurance that he's still my baby boy too. He wants us to hug, hold, and snuggle him more than ever. He as well loves his little brother, he asks to hold him and loves to give his head kisses. I figured Drew would be more jealous than Linnea and it seems to be true.

Derek...Derek is always a champ with new babies, he helps at night whenever I ask him too (he's usually a little loopy and doesn't remember getting up, but whatever) he has been balancing entertaining the other kids when I can't, school, moving, and work. So he's a champ hyped up on coke and Dr. Pepper :)

Me...well I'm doing pretty good. The baby blues hit a few days after delivery where the smallest things will make me cry...I usually get a few good days of the weeps then I seem to click into our schedule so I feel I'm on the uphill side of that part. The pubic symphysitis I had during pregnancy unfortunately is just if not more painful now after delivery, so I'm trying to deal with that. It really hurts if I sit too long, which is hard when a little baby demands to be fed every few hours. I am totally in love with my new little guy and I can't stop kissing him and rubbing his soft head with all his dark hair!!! I'm trying to really have patience and understand my other two love bugs are adjusting just like the rest of us, sometimes I really fall short and lose my temper, but I apologize and try harder next time. Hopefully we get into our routine after our move and we can have a wonderful summer together!



Look at all my babies! They look so similar to me, except different hair colors!!!

Linnea

Drew

Jarom

 

Love them

Jarom Philip Childs

Our beautiful baby boy was born on Friday May 31st!!! We are so excited to have him finally here. He even made his appearance 2 weeks early...you can't ask more than that :)

 

He is so sweet and precious and has added more to our family than we knew we were missing...that always seems to happen when you get a new addition I think...one day before they come you can't picture having a new little person and then after they are here you can't imagine how you lived without them.

Jarom's birth story started at about 5:00 pm on Thursday. I had had my 38 week appointment earlier that day. I was dilated to a 3 and 80% effaced We had discussed stripping my membranes. I was a little nervous since I am a believer that babies should bake as long as they need. My OB told me that if he's not ready he won't come, stripping membranes just kind of helps babies who are on the edge get things started. So with that info we decided to give it a go. It was probably the weirdest feeling I've ever had. So anyways that evening right after Derek left for work I started having pretty consistent contractions. I waited a little while and then told Derek that maybe he should come back home. So of course he was more than thrilled to leave work :). We decided to go out walking, we needed to get a pack of diapers for Drew to send to my sister's house and my parents for when we were gone so we walked down the street to Smith's and happily the contractions were still coming...they weren't changing how far apart they were though and they weren't getting stronger...hmmm I wasn't ready to admit that this really could be the real thing.

By this point my mom had decided to drive up (since she missed Drew's birth by ten minutes she did not want that to happen again) so I started feeling anxious about having her up here and what if it was a false alarm...blah blah. Well Derek wanted to go and get some things at Lowes so we figured that we could keep walking (by this point our kids were pretty exhausted since it was 7:30 and past their bed time, but they were troopers). By the time we headed home we still weren't sure if this was it because the contractions were still about 10-12 minutes apart and not getting closer. So we put the kids to bed and decided to just relax. At this point Katie and my mom were on high alert (we're an anxious family) and they were ready and waiting. Derek and I decided to relax and just watch a movie together...until our land lord called. He said there was a couple wanting to come look at the apartment...sweet. So much for relaxing I guess.

Around 8:30 this couple came and did their walk through so finally after they left Derek and I popped in 17 again, popped some popcorn and tried to time some contractions. They never got closer...pretty frustrating. But they were still coming so after the movie was over I suggested that we go get rest just in case this labor picked up in the middle of the night, Derek said he wanted to try and just stay awake because he felt he would be more tired if he went to bed for two hours then had to get up. Well after a couple of hours NOTHING WAS CHANGING! So I finally convinced him to get some sleep. We attempted to tell my mom to sleep too (come to find out later she was never able to). I planned on just resting in between contractions since I figured I wouldn't be able to fall asleep with the annoying pings of contractions....and then what to you know I woke up 2 1/2 hours later! I was so upset I figured things must have stopped. I wasn't having any contractions anymore. Man, then the water works started I woke Derek up and cried to him how frustrated I was and how I really thought this baby was coming. He calmed me down and I finally was able to lay down and relax again...after about 20 minutes THEY STARTED AGAIN!!! I was so excited, this time they stayed 12-10 minutes apart still, but they got STRONGER! After a few contractions we called up my sister and said we were going to bring the kids over and we were going to head in to the hospital to get checked. So at 3:20 a.m. we loaded up the kidlets and hauled them over to my sister's house. Linnea went right back to sleep...Drew was a little bit more excited. It was amazing though as soon as I got up and started walking around the contractions started coming about 5 minutes apart. We stayed at Katie's for about 20 minutes trying to get Drew back to sleep, but the contractions got closer so finally I told Derek we needed to leave. Katie and my mom told us they would be right behind us.

We go to the the hospital at 4:00 and they got us all back into a room and checked me, I was dilated to a 6 and we were admitted! I was so excited I couldn't believe this was it we were going to meet this guy that we were so anxious to meet! I put in my head phones with my hypnobirthing CD and really started focusing on what I needed to do. This was my second natural birth and I wanted it to go a little smoother than Drew's had, not that his was bad, but I kind of lost control sooner than I would have liked so I was really focused with this one. I was so amazed at how much the recording and the type of breathing I was using was really working, I had only minimal discomfort. Katie and my mom showed up and we were able to joke around and laugh all while I was continuing to have contractions. I progressed to an 8 1/2 around 5:30. The nurses decided to call my doctor and have her come break my water since it was starting to bulge. We were still calm and I had Derek doing some counterpressure against my knees, but I was so happy to find that if I continued to focus I could literally sit in the bed while he just rubbed my calves or feet and breath and even at an 8 1/2 I was not in pain. The doctor came in and broke my water then things really sped up, I felt the urge to push at about a 9 1/2  and then the ouch factor set in!

Holy cow, Drew's pushing was painful, but this big headed boy...ouch! I stayed relatively calmer still than I had with Drew, I was begging for it to stop, but with Drew I needed oxygen with Jarom I was able to keep breathing. I find it funny the types of things you say when you're in pain. When I was pushing with Drew, I begged for a C-section with Jarom I just kept telling the doctor to just pull him out of me!!! All in all I went through 3-4 contractions and Jarom shot out, literally my doctor had to catch him! Once his head was out the rest of him came out so fast it was amazing!

 

He was here. The doctor nurses told us his head is in the 85% and he also had a hand next to his face, along with the pubic symphysitis I had my whole pregnancy all these contributed to the major pushing aches. I was so happy though that we had nearly the peaceful labor and delivery that we had been practicing as a couple for months. Derek was the most amazing coach I could ask for, he spoke so calmly it's like he knew exactly what I needed. Jarom was born at 7:09, 3 hours after arriving to the hospital and about 14 hours after the first contraction! It was amazing to see his incredibly dark hair and his more olive complexion! He is my largest baby, we are so happy to have him. He is calm and seems to be eating well. No complaints with this guy.

 

 

Linnea is in love with him and finally today Andrew is showing interest in holding him and being around him! We couldn't be happier to have Jarom in our lives.!

sorry for some of the picture quality...

I Got You

My little Drew man is almost two....I can't believe it, sometimes I feel like it has gone pretty slow, but other times I feel like it has just flown by. My kids have been saying some funny things lately and I just want to write some down so I always have the memories

Drew is in love with...Me. Yes thank you he's my momma's boy which I'll take. Drew refuses to walk downt he stairs in the morning he must be held. He reaches his chubby little hands up with his blankie tassles in his hand and says "I got you, I got you, I got you!" This translates into...Hold me! He says it when we're sitting on the couch, when I'm cooking etc. He loves to be held and loved and basically just see what's going on.

He is still my little thumb sucker, I honestly am in love with it, but unfortunately we will hopefully be weening in a few weeks...I don't know how to start, but that's what I keep telling myself.

Every morning now it's like Drew knows when I'm about to head out the door for work...he'll dart from wherever he is and stand in front of the front door, blocking me! He usually smiles at me, but yells "No" the whole time too. It's adorable, but slightly heartbreaking too. He loves Barney and his favorite song at this moment is The Wise Man and the Foolish Man. I love my little munchkin so much! He is in the terrible two's and quite a pill a lot of the time, but he is also still my sweet little man!


Linnea has gotten her first bike, and honestly hasn't taken to it as much as I would've hoped. She almost fell off a little while ago and sometimes Nea takes awhile to really jump back on the horse again...sooo hopefully that helps. 

This little sweetie had a realization the other day that I thought was hilarious that I want to share....she loves Turkey sandwiches so I whipped her up one for lunch. She was about halfway through the sandwhich when I looked over at her and saw her holding the turkey meat in her hands...with tears coming down her little cheeks. I asked her what was wrong and she asked me if this was a chicken, I told her no it was Turkey. She just started balling! She cried while she held her murdered turkey and said "I want turkey's to be animals!" I realized at that moment she had just understood that when we eat meat we are eating animals! It was the saddest, cutest thing ever. She seriously carried the turkey meat around for about ten minutes just holding it, mourning it. I told her if it made her sad she didn't have to eat it...but in the end the liking for her yummy turkey sandwiches won out...she ate the dead turkey and accepted the fact.

Fun times around this house...I'm struggling physically to do just about anything. I have pubic symphysitis with this little guy which means my ligaments and cartilage surrounding my pelvis and pubic bones are super stretched and super inflamed so any movement feels like I'm getting stabbed in that general area or getting poked with a hot poker...ladies you can imagine that that is uncomfortable. I'm concerned about making it to my due date with work since I walk and bend a lot with my patients I feel it's making it a little worse....so hopefully it all works out. I've tried everything I can, I've got a belt I wear I try to take it easy, but it's not so easy when the hubs works nights and I'm working. I appreciate the offers for help I've gotten, we'll survive but I do look forward to having that pain gone in a few months so I can actually run and play outside with the kids instead of being a spectator on the porch! It's all worth it at least!

Well hope everyone else is enjoying this spring weather....I hope Utah doesn't play any nasty tricks and start to snow or something

Stay at Home Mommy in the making

Well in a few months we will add our new little man to our family. Having the big #3 child has really caused Derek and I to look at what needs to be done for our family since he is still in school and not finishing his college education is just simply not an option.

It can be done with kids...does it make it a lot harder I would probably for sure have to say yes, but I finished school with kids and so can Derek. Anyways- I have been the sugar mama while he's been in school, however we are re-thinking some things. Three kids in daycare is highway robbery just in case anyone wanted to know...it averages about $800-$1000 a month...sooo not cool.

Derek and I have come to the conclusion that we need to cut, cut, cut in anyway that we can. He says he truly wants to find a full time job that could support us. So we talked with Weber State about the hours that the MET program usually has. They said most classes are each day from about 8-12 in the morning. So we figure that's do-able with a job. The exciting, scary news for me is...if he can find a high enough paying job...I probably could come home about 90% of the time. I may have to make up the difference a little bit, but we're working on that part...I've been wondering if I should maybe babysit a few kids or try and work PRN (on call) at a hospital or something one day a week since I get paid a higher rate for PRN.

Well, I say this is scary because honestly I have never been a full time stay at home mom...ever. I've either been in school or working. Thank heaven this last year has only been part - time but I have done full - time and it's totally not super enjoyable.

So I've been trying to see what I can do...we do have bills...some are annoying we wish we didn't have debt bills but what can you do so I can't just cut that out of our budget. I've started simple right now like going homemade on some things to save. So I decided boxed snacks are processed and not super great for you anyways right...but they are also soo expensive so I've begun to make all our snack food homemade. I think I've mastered several different granola's and granola bars- homemade bars are sooooo much cheaper than store bought stuff and personally I think it tastes better.

I've learned my kids love muffins...and I am really utilizing my freezer. My kids eat a lot of apples and fruits for snacks with peanut butter or something like that. Linnea loves carrot sticks so she just munches on those all she wants...I make homemade fruit snacks instead of buying the ones from the store and I think they are great.

I've also started to make my own bread. I'm so not a pro yet, but I've actually mastered it enough to make good sized sandwich bread. I get four loaves out of one batch and we freeze it and it lasts for us.

I get two newspapers for coupons, and honestly lately they haven't been much help unless I want oreo's (not saying I don't, just saying why waste the money) I am really trying to be a hardcore meal planner, I only do week by week because it's not quite as overwhelming to me. After reviewing our budget the money that disappeared the most was on food...you know those nights where you don't have anything planned and you really don't want to cook...yep those nights-- so turning into hard core meal planning has helped cut the out to eat runs quite a bit...we still do it occasionally but we've really cut back.

I'm doing bountiful baskets co-op again to get more fruits and veggies for a good price so hopefully that will start to add up!

I can't tell you how bad I want this. We finally kicked ourselves in the butt and said instead of just complaining and waiting for a solution to fall into our laps if this is what we want for our family then we need to make some changes. We don't live in luxury homes, my kids very well may be bunk bedding it with the baby in the room too to save on living expenses, we don't have TV, we don't even have netflix...just movies and online shows....(to be honest that's what I miss the most is our Dish Network...ahhh someday)

So my reason for this post is for all you money savvy people...what other ideas can you throw at me? I'm so ready to pinch and save for 2 1/2 years until Derek is done if it means I get to spend almost everyday with my pumpkins...I am realistic I probably will have to do something to help bring in money (stupid debt) but if I get the majority of the week at home I'll take it... I'm excited to see how our journey plays out in the next few months. Derek does have some prospective jobs, we are actually waiting back on an awesome internship that we really hope he gets...if not we're still looking! So keep the ideas coming....what do you do to save and cut costs in your house?

 

(oldie but a cutie)

Our life Changes

Wow, this is the first post that I've done about our little nugget that is baking in the oven.

I blame my computer for some of that, it's really had a hard time with this site for some reason, but also I've just been putting things off for a long time I guess.

Well we have baby number three coming and we recently learned it is another BOY! We're pretty excited, but I have to admit I am nervous to have two boys right next to each other. Drew is kind of going through some busy, tornado, terrible twos! Linnea was busy at this age, but not quite as destructive. Drew takes pleasure in pulling things off the shelves, climbing on furniture, and I have used more band aids and Neosporin on this kid than I ever did with Linnea. So...yes I am a little nervous to have two little destructos within two years of each other!

At the beginning of this pregnancy I felt so much anxiety....doesn't make sense  right....it's not my first time around the baby block, but it came much faster than I expected. Derek still has three years left before he's out of school and holy cow I just felt like there was no way we could keep adding more kids to the picture.

This pregnancy has also been my hardest so far. I've only actually thrown up twice, but I had extreme nausea all day long to the point I was actually trying to throw up and it wouldn't come...it was pleasant. Well for the most part that has passed, now I'm dealing with intense pain during walking. It has slowly gotten worse with each baby and this little guy is really making it tough. I'm going to be ordering a band to help lift him up and see if that helps. I wish I could explain it, the only way I can describe it is a shot put ball putting burning pressure between my hips every time I move my lower half...it doesn't make it easy at work working with patients...secretly I want to steal their wheelchairs and wheel myself around the building :)

At this point I am 22 weeks along and I have had an attitude change, I am ecstatic about our little guy, I can't wait to meet him. Some how things will work out and Derek will continue and will graduate the same as always. I admit I was 100% sure this little guy was a girl. Linnea told me it was girl, I had the fuzzies it was a girl so when we found out it was a boy I litterally asked the tech if she was sure. I was worried I would be disappointed but I only felt confused for a  minute and then I couldn't wait to start really focusing on names and getting to know this little guy.

The two kids are getting ready as well. Linnea is going to be such a little mom I can already tell. I promised her I would let her help me feed him with a bottle at one point. She is good at being mom...sometimes too much. I often find her putting her younger brother in time out and taking privalages away :). Drew I only worry that he won't understand why the kid won't play with him so I do worry he might touch a little rough at times, but he'll learn. And as many of you know newborns take up a lot of time so I worry my little destructive boy may take that opportunity to make a run through the house :)

I'm prepping already to have this kid. I'm planning on no medical interventions again, just like with Drew. I struggled during pushing with Drew so Derek and I are prepping so hopefully  I won't beg for a C-section again when his head is basically out :) Drew's labor was pretty fast, so the Doctor told me they typically just get faster so be sure and get to the hospital as soon as I have consistant contractions, so that will be nice too if he comes fast :) I am so happy to have a summer baby (June 12) I think that will help with the other kids too, we'll be able to go outside and let them get their wiggles out.

Well life is pretty good....it doesn't change a lot, we're just busy mentally preparring to officially be outnumbered kid wise :)

How grateful I am

 

I re-lived one of the most horrific experiences of my life last night...in a dream. It was the first few minutes of Linnea's life.

 

What you may say would make the birth of your first child horrific...try having no sound when she comes out and a red blinking light and a team of nurses and respiratory therapists rushing in. Try watching your husband freeze and your mom crying her eyes out...and never hearing your baby cry! The worst part is...the medical staff never told me what was happening. They smiled at me and said everything is fine...as a mom you know everything is not fine.

 

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, but in all reality was a little over a minute I heard Linnea cry for the first time. I have her birth on film. I've watched it once since she was born almost four years ago...I've watched Drew's multiple times now because it brings me joy, I can't watch Nea's because she is born blue and floppy. I had the whole experience flood back to me last night...and it made me pick her up this morning and kiss her so hard! I am so blessed my story ended beautifully with a healthy, spit fire daughter!

 

Why did this happen to her? Well no one had an answer, but after watching the footage of her birth beforehand I noticed something...as soon as I got my epidural my labor slowed down...then I noticed (because we filmed it) the heart rate of Linnea was dropping, then rising...after hours of this she was born. Any type of drug effects me in strong ways. I couldn't walk for hours after delivery. This is why Andrew was born without drugs. I learned that epidurals can at times cause depressed breathing.

 

Natural birth is not for everyone (I think everyone can do it, you have to get your mind in it)...but it is for me! This is the only explaination I have as to why Linnea was not breathing, it shows on her monitors....so I won't use one again unless medically necessary. I don't know why I'm writing this...probably because it's a very emotional experience and I need to get it out of my mind for now!

 

 

I'm just feeling really grateful for this beautiful little girl right now!

Both my healthy kids for that matter!

 

 

Some catch up thought!

Life is a whirlwind. We have been through a lot this summer and I can't say I'm sad to see it go. I hope this fall brings great changes for my family and I. Derek is about to start school on Monday, and I am so excited for him to be that much closer to graduating.

I am struggling to be blunt. I am amazed at myself and feel like I'm a complainer, but I can't stinking help it. I work less than I did and my job is as close to my home as I could ever want it and I'm having a HARDER time working than I was when we were living in Eagle Mountain and I commuted forty minutes both ways and worked forty hours a week. What the heck? I feel I'm in a constant battle with myself to enjoy my job, to just suck it up and deal with it for the next few years. Has anyone felt their whole soul was in unrest! That's what I've felt for the last three months and I'm running out of steam. I don't know how to deal. I pray multiple times a day just to help me have a positive out look on things. Derek and I are praying that our soon to be released eBook can help us financially and maybe allow me to go PRN, cross your fingers. We feel good about it, we feel like it's a good goal, and we both feel like it's a good eBook, I hope you'll all take a look at it!

Anyways, life is crazy and it's crazy the way it teaches you lessons. I've never been a patient person, until the last few months or so. I've been barely holding on sometimes, and I've been patiently waiting to see the outcomes of our decisions and I've been patiently waiting for answers to my prayers. In my patriarchal blessing I was told patience is one of the lessons I am to learn and I'm learning it! I'm grateful for the lesson even though the process bluntly sucks, but it will help me throughout my life.

I've learned that I'm developing new talents. My other blog is slowly growing, some days it gets around 200 visitors. It's still a little guy, but I've really developed a love for healthy eating and living and can't wait to grow that talent and hopefully share it with others.

I've learned I don't take my children for granted as much as I used to. I have some amazing friends who haven't found it so easy to have kids quickly or in their time frame and I am so inspired by their strength and example and they are helping me to be a better mom and love my little ones more! I look for the day when I can stay home full-time and I swear it if any of you hear my complain about being a stay at home mom you have my permission to stand up, walk across the room, and smack me in my face so hard it leaves a mark! I pray I will never take my sweet kids for granted! They are my life as well as Derek! I don't know what I'd do without them.

Even though our struggles may seem small to others or may look like they aren't really struggles...they are ours. These are trials that the Lord is using to build us and make  us better....most days I think I endure it well....other's I fall short, but even though this has been a tough summer I'm grateful for these invaluable lessons I've learned and for the appreciation I've gained for what I have and hope to have someday!

Giveaway at My other blog!!!

Hey guys I'm so excited to write and tell you I've had a company allow me to do some product reviews and now I'm hosting a giveaway! 

I love this company they always have awesome products. If you want a healthy, filling, free snack for yourself head on over and enter the giveaway!! It closes Saturday

www.naturallyhealthyandhappy.blogspot.com

The intense Joy of Multiple Children!!!

Oh I love my kids, so I just wanted to show you how the little sweeties helped me while I went upstairs to fold laundry for five minutes, literally five minutes! I don't know what I'd do without them!!! :)







Mommy, went upstairs so let's do this....

and let's finish it off by doing this....

ahhhh....memories...they are such helpers!

Happy Fourth of July!

We had a great fourth of July, my parents and brother came up on the 3rd to have dinner with us, then on the 4th we headed over to Katie and Eric's for a BBQ, swimming, and fun. We watched our super early firework show, (due to grumpy kids) and just had a great day!!! Linnea kept saying all day "It's America's Birthday!" Well true... We hope everyone had a great 4th of July!!!!

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