A new chapter

Well we've had some change of plans that I didn't see coming, but we have decided with prayer and now we're going forward with confidence. Derek is going to be quitting his job on August 15th and is enrolled in full time school and I will be heading to work to be the bread winner! It is a scary thing for me. I said many many times that I WOULD NOT go full time until Drew was at least a year old. It's strange how things change. I found a few jobs, but none felt super good until I went in for an interview at Orem Rehab and Nursing. It was a full time position, but they were willing to work with me. They found another COTA who was possibly going to be willing to split the shift with me, if not they would hire me on at 30 hours a week, so I was pretty happy. Then the other COTA decided it was better for her family to stay in Salt Lake. I totally understand you need to do what is best. So here I was going to be working 30 hours, I was still considered part-time even though full time is 32 hours... the plan was to go full time in January and Derek would start full time school then. so anyways it was nagging at me that something wasn't fitting. Our kids were going to be in Day care for about 7 hours a day (sucky) and we would only save about $4000 in four months after child care and other expenses came out from my checks. It didn't seem worth it to me to basically be working full-time, having our kids stay somewhere else all day long if we weren't even going to be able to build up our savings account to a super impressive number. So last night Derek and I discussed the subject of me just starting full time and him going to school full time. The reason I'm working is to get him through school right? Well we prayed about it and I felt a peace about the whole thing, but to my surprise Derek didn't What??? We had never been on separate pages before, so we talked, did some math some more, then took a break for the night, then prayed some more. Derek said this morning he still didn't feel great about the idea so he asked me to pray about him going to school. Well I did,but again I still felt calm about the idea. I was very confused, because I should be the one fighting to stay home right? Don't get me wrong my heart is crushed into pieces at the thought of not seeing my two beautiful kids smiles all the time, but I couldn't help it I had a very peaceful feeling. So I called Derek a little upset and confused. I had it worked out that it would be cheaper for us for me to work full time since he could take after noon classes so the kids would only be at daycare for about three hours until I came and picked them up that is not bad at all in my eyes, and they would be able to at least be with one of their parents! He said that I made valid points and said he would think about it some more. A few hours later he called me and told me he was going to be quitting his job! He felt that the reason he didn't feel super was because he truly hadn't decided yet if going to school right now was the best choice, but as soon as he did he felt the peaceful feeling I had too. It is working out for this semester so far. His schedule is all in the afternoon from about 2:00 on so it won't be long that the kids will be babysat before I get home. We still will be able to save each check if we discipline ourselves since I will be able to make more than we are making now. It is going to be such a hard few years for me, to miss my kids each day, but I know that the sooner Derek is done with school the sooner my hope to be a stay at home mom can become a reality! I am so grateful for the Lord in answering prayers, even if it is a hard answer. This will be the hardest thing I do at this point in my life, but I have a confirmation that I can hold onto when the hard times of guilt and missing my sweet kiddos come up. I hope that others won't judge this decision of me working outside the home, unfortunately I have faced judgement before just going to school. I have read the scriptures and many articles about mothers and working. I like one quote that was given from President Hinkley I believe in one article it said "to those mother's who have to work outside the home for righteous reasons to help support their family, the Lord gives his blessings, because he understands and knows the anguish you feel." So true. Times have changed in the financial world now. It doesn't mean I don't believe a mother should be with her children at home if she can, but I also know and believe if a woman is called to work outside the home to help provide and support her family, not just to have more money and "things" then she is still a righteous person and no one can say that she doesn't love her children, because speaking firsthand there is nothing I wouldn't do for my little bugs and my heart will ache everyday, I'm starting to cry just thinking of it, but I know what is right for my family. If we're lucky we'll only have about three years until my hubby can graduate!!! Sorry for the soap box, but anyways here's to a new chapter in our lives!