I'm not writing this to get sympathy it's just thoughts that always come to my mind only at nights...when the kids are asleep and Derek is doing something else somewhere in the house. I've almost made it through my first week working full time, it's been emotional to say the least. I love the work...I love being a therapist, but I feel tired. I have a commute and I wanted to get off much earlier than I have been so I could spend time with my kids, but lately we've been getting home around 4:45 or later so we really don't get as much time as I would like before bedtime. I start to feel guilty after the kiddos are put down...if Andrew doesn't smile much, I think to myself...it must be because I'm gone during the day or Linnea will come home and beg to go for a walk and go play with her little boyfriend, Jude at the park like we always used to do in the mornings, but we can't because it's time to get dinner ready and spend family time together. I think to myself are my kids going to be well behaved because they aren't with me in the day to teach them proper manners or are they going to pick up bad habits from other kids? Are they going to feel close to me over the next few years? Will they ever know how much heartache this causes me? I worry I don't spend enough time with them in the evenings because we still have a house to take care of meals to make. I know what we are doing is right, but I can say this is the hardest most painful thing I've done this far in my life. Anyways I just needed to vent some emotions so they can leave my head. I love my family and I am willing to sacrifice for them, and right now I hope my kids can understand someday we all sacrificed so Derek can acheive his goals....that is our priority right now! And it is the right thing to do, it's just not easy.
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2 comments:
Become a pro at the crockpot. At least that way dinner is ready when you walk in at night and don't have to worry about getting dinner made and you can spend some time with your little ones. Your kids will know...they'll have this to read one day and know everything you have done and will do is for them.
Oh, Em, you are so sweet. Your kids will never doubt your love for them and someday, yes, they will know how hard leaving them was. Having mom gone is never easy... For any of you. You will always want to be home and they will always want you home. But, they will always feel grateful for your strong work ethics and example to work hard, even when it's painful. I'm so thankful for my moms hard working example, she has always been, and will always be, my hero. Simply because she did all of it for us... So that we could have a better life. Love you :). Xo
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