How grateful I am

 

I re-lived one of the most horrific experiences of my life last night...in a dream. It was the first few minutes of Linnea's life.

 

What you may say would make the birth of your first child horrific...try having no sound when she comes out and a red blinking light and a team of nurses and respiratory therapists rushing in. Try watching your husband freeze and your mom crying her eyes out...and never hearing your baby cry! The worst part is...the medical staff never told me what was happening. They smiled at me and said everything is fine...as a mom you know everything is not fine.

 

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, but in all reality was a little over a minute I heard Linnea cry for the first time. I have her birth on film. I've watched it once since she was born almost four years ago...I've watched Drew's multiple times now because it brings me joy, I can't watch Nea's because she is born blue and floppy. I had the whole experience flood back to me last night...and it made me pick her up this morning and kiss her so hard! I am so blessed my story ended beautifully with a healthy, spit fire daughter!

 

Why did this happen to her? Well no one had an answer, but after watching the footage of her birth beforehand I noticed something...as soon as I got my epidural my labor slowed down...then I noticed (because we filmed it) the heart rate of Linnea was dropping, then rising...after hours of this she was born. Any type of drug effects me in strong ways. I couldn't walk for hours after delivery. This is why Andrew was born without drugs. I learned that epidurals can at times cause depressed breathing.

 

Natural birth is not for everyone (I think everyone can do it, you have to get your mind in it)...but it is for me! This is the only explaination I have as to why Linnea was not breathing, it shows on her monitors....so I won't use one again unless medically necessary. I don't know why I'm writing this...probably because it's a very emotional experience and I need to get it out of my mind for now!

 

 

I'm just feeling really grateful for this beautiful little girl right now!

Both my healthy kids for that matter!

 

 

Some catch up thought!

Life is a whirlwind. We have been through a lot this summer and I can't say I'm sad to see it go. I hope this fall brings great changes for my family and I. Derek is about to start school on Monday, and I am so excited for him to be that much closer to graduating.

I am struggling to be blunt. I am amazed at myself and feel like I'm a complainer, but I can't stinking help it. I work less than I did and my job is as close to my home as I could ever want it and I'm having a HARDER time working than I was when we were living in Eagle Mountain and I commuted forty minutes both ways and worked forty hours a week. What the heck? I feel I'm in a constant battle with myself to enjoy my job, to just suck it up and deal with it for the next few years. Has anyone felt their whole soul was in unrest! That's what I've felt for the last three months and I'm running out of steam. I don't know how to deal. I pray multiple times a day just to help me have a positive out look on things. Derek and I are praying that our soon to be released eBook can help us financially and maybe allow me to go PRN, cross your fingers. We feel good about it, we feel like it's a good goal, and we both feel like it's a good eBook, I hope you'll all take a look at it!

Anyways, life is crazy and it's crazy the way it teaches you lessons. I've never been a patient person, until the last few months or so. I've been barely holding on sometimes, and I've been patiently waiting to see the outcomes of our decisions and I've been patiently waiting for answers to my prayers. In my patriarchal blessing I was told patience is one of the lessons I am to learn and I'm learning it! I'm grateful for the lesson even though the process bluntly sucks, but it will help me throughout my life.

I've learned that I'm developing new talents. My other blog is slowly growing, some days it gets around 200 visitors. It's still a little guy, but I've really developed a love for healthy eating and living and can't wait to grow that talent and hopefully share it with others.

I've learned I don't take my children for granted as much as I used to. I have some amazing friends who haven't found it so easy to have kids quickly or in their time frame and I am so inspired by their strength and example and they are helping me to be a better mom and love my little ones more! I look for the day when I can stay home full-time and I swear it if any of you hear my complain about being a stay at home mom you have my permission to stand up, walk across the room, and smack me in my face so hard it leaves a mark! I pray I will never take my sweet kids for granted! They are my life as well as Derek! I don't know what I'd do without them.

Even though our struggles may seem small to others or may look like they aren't really struggles...they are ours. These are trials that the Lord is using to build us and make  us better....most days I think I endure it well....other's I fall short, but even though this has been a tough summer I'm grateful for these invaluable lessons I've learned and for the appreciation I've gained for what I have and hope to have someday!

Giveaway at My other blog!!!

Hey guys I'm so excited to write and tell you I've had a company allow me to do some product reviews and now I'm hosting a giveaway! 

I love this company they always have awesome products. If you want a healthy, filling, free snack for yourself head on over and enter the giveaway!! It closes Saturday

www.naturallyhealthyandhappy.blogspot.com

The intense Joy of Multiple Children!!!

Oh I love my kids, so I just wanted to show you how the little sweeties helped me while I went upstairs to fold laundry for five minutes, literally five minutes! I don't know what I'd do without them!!! :)







Mommy, went upstairs so let's do this....

and let's finish it off by doing this....

ahhhh....memories...they are such helpers!

Happy Fourth of July!

We had a great fourth of July, my parents and brother came up on the 3rd to have dinner with us, then on the 4th we headed over to Katie and Eric's for a BBQ, swimming, and fun. We watched our super early firework show, (due to grumpy kids) and just had a great day!!! Linnea kept saying all day "It's America's Birthday!" Well true... We hope everyone had a great 4th of July!!!!

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New blogs

Hey guys I just wanted to let you know I've started a health food, fitness, living good and happy blog! It's been really fun and I think it has a lot of yummy things and good tips. It still has a long way to go, but if you want to take a look I hope you like some things you see on there.

www.naturallyhealthyandhappy.blogspot.com

Mommies!!!

Well I hope everyone had a wonderful mother's day. We were able to all gather and we were able to skype with Daney Boy. It was a great day!!! Derek spoiled me with my annual love letter and a whole set of de-stressing scents, lotion, pillow spray, and body scrub. I slept with the pillow spray last night and really did feel rejuvenated :). I wanted to let all those who are missing mom's or wishing to be moms, I'm praying for you and I look up to you!!!! I wanted to let my wonderful mommy know how much I love her and appreciate all she does for us as well as my sister!!! She's such a great mommy and does such a wonderful job with my nephew Sammy Sam!!! Love you

I'm also so grateful to my little nuggets, no matter how busy, and tired they make me!!!! They are my life and they bring me so much joy. I can't imagine my life without them. I love them so much. I wanted to thank my hubs for being such a great daddy and helping raise our little ones!!! Happy mother's day everyone